Ray.

The nagging starts, about the kiddo & me.

LOL. I destroyed it again, with nyc as the accomplice. But seriously, ghao is not a good person. Then why would i want to continue, right?

And he’s narrow minded plus he take life too seriously – i cant. I definitely cant. I have a feeling he’s going to crash the gathering tonight for 2 hours so he can lecture me of what i’ve done again.

IF we are really fated, then no matter what i do, the fate doesnt change…. right? Now i really dont know anymore. But cant be i so suay right.

***

The bodyguard sent me a short letter, it was blank. I think only i will understand lor. I guessed he went to check out everything, re-read everything  – i think we are all confused about what happened. He cant figure but he has no face to face me either.

***

Mystery uncle came to find me a few times. But i was in a very deep sleep that the soldiers said i was to  far away to be called back to earth. I am so busy and tired, other than hanging out with nyc so i wont automatically go to ghao’s house, that i totally cant function the moment i am home.

***

And nyc did bring me to meet the girls, with my green convertible, a present from Jam years ago. I really dont know why girls are so fascinated with that car, anyway, we hung out, with the girls. I still dont know why i should meet the girls.

Tonight, he’s driving his orange car. And Ray is crashing it, so he’s driving the white one. WHERE ARE WE HEADING TO AH. Oh yeah its christmas tonight. It doesnt feel like one at all. I worked the whole day. MEH.

 

Tpk

The moment i saw him i burst out laughing.

Tpk: 來來 我帶你去一個安全的地方。我們的小朋友忙著爆炸。你不能吸這氣。不然大家都白費了力氣。走走。不要擔心。她的朋友會照顧她的。他們習慣了。她講講就沒事了。

Uncle looked at me and the friends had to pull him away. I am too annoyed to care. Hmpf. I guessed he felt a little sorry but i am glad & relieved he didnt try to save the situation. He knows he cant step into the boundary, which i am glad he didnt. Not that all of us will mark him down but i might feel sad if he does.

He knows i have enough hurt but yet i am pushing boundaries like all cases.

***

Nyc is finally working / resting. We have the strangest habits.

In the end the uncle stayed at the friend’s teahouse for the whole day. He was supposed to come back, but it was changed last minute since he knows i totally cannot make it liao.

And the doctors are dropping by later. It is quite bad, i hate to admit. The uncle knows i am going to work tomorrow even if fever hits me. I better sleep earlier tonight.

Seeing the uncle tomorrow if i am well enough, otherwise he will move to another place till i am recovered, i think next week is my duty although there are 5 standbys.

It was already confirmed that my energy is not enough at all way before this happened.

别担心。

The uncle has to stay in my house since nobody is free to take him today. Well there is one, but he lives too far away and he doesnt have enough time to send him back to my house and i wont have enough time to travel there either.

Hence, the uncle felt very bad that he’s using my backup energy. Which i told him i will be fine after all i am home. Its a very bad lie, because he could see i am not fine. But both of us cant help it in any case.

只是辛苦一下·而已。

And i dont want to talk to anyone till i get some energy back. Sorry to all the friends who are looking for me and i disappeared again, since i always reply fast.

The uncle is making progress, at least he can hold objects for awhile. The friends really put their heart and soul into it – in which do i deserve such love from them. Maintaining it is more challenging than making progress.

He asked why didnt the doctors came to see me this time. Told him the doctors dont come unless its an emergency. He was appalled. LOL. Culture shock. He asked if i think i will gain the energy later at noon. Told him i really have no idea. I am to my last backup energy. And we will make do with it.

Then he started asking about his son. I looked at him and didnt know what to reply. He said how can i request for doctors if i know his son is sick one day and not wanting to request for the doctors now that i need.

It sounds more like a lecture. I dont know how long i will do such things for him, to put him in the list where the doctors carry with them.

The kiddo’s spirit friends will drop by later too. Then we shall see how.

I am so tired that i can KO anytime. I only worry i will fall into that 1 day ‘coma’.

The uncle asked where was i at 11pm.

I was out.

And he asked if anyone was sending me home, told him i am with humans, and i am safe.

Maybe i will see him tomorrow if i can wake up.

I think he has something to tell me, because its quite a long essay but i dont have time to read it now.

 

Out of zone.

Out of workplace:1

‘Uncle out of zone right? I cant detect.’

Chen: Ya. You said you have ot at noon? Going home now?

Me: orh my little boss not ot-ing. So i am not too. Lol.

Chen: you dont need to ot de right. Can go home on the dot right. Why are you the same there and here.

Me: lol.

Chen: you workaholic. Cant you go out with friends. And you 2 are so 貼心。Uncle said he will go back to work when he heard you want to OT & you, once out of building, you ask where is he when you cant detect him.

Me: Found AA with Hibiki lo. Its either he come over or i go over for a drink. The guy bought a bottle and bojio.

Chen: Freestyle?

Me: yes i want to try. But with the ‘blue buoy  la. Train my arms. My god how can any guy be a size S?? The S2A is so small!

Chen: but you look ok leh. Not tight. Eh dude 50 x 50m in an hour can or not. Breast stroke / competitive or crawl & competitive.

Me: why so excited.

Chen: your seniors will be more happy if you slim down lor. More than the guys. Eh i talk to you later. 7.15pm liao i have briefing. Changing of duties at xxx.

 

 

Uncle sitting duties.

4.30am – 6.45am & we saw the same tall boy again. Gave me a fright! Didnt jump today though. Yesterday my heart almost jumped out.

Uncle thought he’s one of the friends but NO. Maybe its a new portal door that just opened.

***

Was very tired when i woke up today. Didnt want to get out of bed. Uncle pulled me up anyway. He has been outside my house since 430am but i was in deep sleep in his house ahem.

***

Uncle: why do i keep seeing 2 outfits from your ‘channel’?

Me: Oh normally the folks will plan what i wear the next day if they are in the mood.

Uncle: So bright! And the skirt looks good!

Me: ohhhhh!! Thats for friday! 我有約會! 你要去嗎! The sat one you cant go. They have a dog. The dog barked like siao when she he saw me.. If i bring a plus one, she will go crazy. Lol! Sun you can definitely come along! Meeting the boys. Rugby team. Again.. They are not my friends. Ive been going out with people’s friends. And best friends.

Uncle: friday? Where?

Me: lunch! I will discuss with Amber to see if you can come along! Okay? Sunday is not a problem i think unless you are accompanying your wife. Your call. I tell youuuu this time i really 賺到! But standard drop so much i dont care lah.

***

One of my nannies dropped the uncle with me at 7pm, she had something on so its ‘uncle-sitting’ duties!! Its insane when my nannies are involve in this thing. Its almost like a SO BIG CASE where almost everyone i know is involve to keep me sane.

Uncle must have sensed my mood even though i looked happy taobao-ing away on the bus.

Uncle: Hey do you remember what i told you when we first met?

Me: On that night? Yeah of course, I was surprised that you appeared! And opened your mouth!

Uncle: You have to remember okay? You are special. Very special. Not because of your gift. I said it before, because of who you are. Not because of your identity too. I will tell you why. There’s this girl, people call her marbl3, you know her?

Me: Yup. She’s hmm… her 身份 is much higher than me, she has her own staff, population much more than me LOL.

Uncle: And she calls you 老大?

Me: Sometimes 头儿。

Uncle: You must have help her alot in your own way, otherwise why would she even call you that. I am shocked!

Me: Thats why i said i am not at all holy, i am far from it. I am a peanut what, i said it before.

Uncle: Yes she told me that too, she doesnt approve.

Me: She doesnt approve in alot of things lah.

Uncle: But she sees very highly of you.

Me: Heehee. That’s what friends are for. She’s one of the friends who would bother to check with me first before agreeing i will slander her in front of others. Actually i would, and she knows that, but i would have said it to her face before or after, she knows i will own up if she confronts me, but in any case, she always tell others that its our problem, not theirs. COOL RIGHT!!

Uncle: Yes. Your friends really keep me entertained. Its something that i cant return in all my lifetime. But as long as you are alive, and i am still around, ask for me, i will help you.

Me: UNCLE I DELETE THAT PHOTO THAT YOUR SON SENT ME LIAO LEH.

Uncle: Well, if fate allows, ask him to take a picture of it again. PLEASE ask me for help if you need it. Dont do everything yourself. I know about your parents……… so please. I will gladly help you.

***

More words exchanged but others are updated in the diary over at the other world. Partly for his memories while he wait for his wife if we have to part ways. Since day 1, he was saying how he cant take me as his god daughter, else he would. I told him since i am not together with his son in the future, so he can consider. Or perhaps i do like his son too much, so maybe its a bad timing now.

 

Toilet commercial break.

One of my gifts that i thought its gone still exists. Surprised. It doesnt matter how many times i wake up, the moment i sleep, i go back to the location. And no matter with who, except the kiddo. Reminds me how i am spiritually dependent on his soul that i meet sometimes.

Went to a random festival, not alone but looked alone. Wore my chio outfit, finally can fit in. Rare that i was in girl’s clothes. Made some new friends, slept over as well – i am always sleeping elsewhere but my room.

***

Met the uncle at 5.30am for a walk. He looked much much better than the first day. Told me that he knows i am being serious about his karma debts & his wife, like the info is sinking into him. Updated that my ‘friends’ and friends of theirs took good care of him and i dont have to worry. Its just so amazing that i have such solid friends who are too willing to not sacrifice but ‘lay their life for me’, told him because i did it before for them, and that was when we werent even close.

He looked at me, with sadness in his eyes, said ‘you did it for me too. Not your life, but i know.’

Such topics are too much for him..i gave him a smile and jumped into my nonsense self. He is beginning to know & understand why. We talked a fair bit today. About why and why. And of course, the parents. Esp the mother – its a wonder that i grew up happy.

I think once people passed away, they begin to understand some things.

 

Self-denial

US. BOTH. AND I AM STILL VERY ANGRY. Not pissed off but angry. And he knows. But we can do nothing about it, so just let me continue to be angry.

I asked the officer for a recap of last night, about where i went, although yes i know its that safe place, but i felt like i had a long conversation, anyhows, the officer prepared it before i even asked. Just that he was a wee bit concerned that i was outside with Max, and if he were to send it to me immediately, i might just fall asleep outside.

I INSIST ANYWAY. And i almost went into deep sleep in the bus, KO-ed once i was home.

***

It looked like a park, because there are short bushes, but not anywhere i know of, but its certainly near his house, that’s what he said.

Me: What am i doing here.

Kiddo’s soul: Hey. You’ve arrived.

Me: YOU CAN TALK!?

KS: How are you?

Me: You know i hate that question, you asshole.

KS: 😦 I genuinely want to know how are you.

Me: You can see from my face what!

KS: Very very angry.

Me: What a jerk!

KS: How was it when you met him for the first time?

Me: Felt like he’s an extremely old friend lor, like you lah, as if i can tell him anything and everything.

KS: That’s nice.

Me: NICE YOUR HEAD.

KS: Eh whenever you come over, can you DONT sleep on the floor?! I had to wake up and carry you up to the bed.

Me: That’s one bloody awkward thing. I want to complain.

KS: About?

Me: Its creepy okay. Eh ask you hor, there’s something i dont understand. If we can meet like this, how come you cant see your dad?

KS: Only you can connect to him…. and see him…. i cant. Hows my grandfather anyway?

Me: HIM. I have no freaking idea. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID! He completely used me. MY BODY.

KS: HUH?

Me: He brought me through certain events, i cant see it clearly, because its fast forward and there are SO MUCH. But i can feel every emotion, and i cried like shit, AND I HAD DINNER APPT ON THAT NIGHT.

KS: Did you go?

Me: DUH. YA. That one cannot escape leh.

KS: My dad?

Me: Eh you talking to TJ okay. Of course your dad is fine. How can he not be. When i am xxx.

KS: Ya ya ya…….

Me: EH he’s such an asshole. And talking to you reminds me of Kevin and W, except those 2 are 2 different souls and people. And how did i meet you here? ITS SO WEIRD.

KS: Its not………….

Me: …… HELLO.

KS: Who is the one who said she want to settle her debts first before getting into a relationship.

Me: ME. SO? Hello your body left. LEFT. He already said not to contact him leh.

KS: HUH.

Me: HUH YOUR ASS. 我为了你而活 and now your body left, saying he has this someone in mind.

KS: Eh thats bullshit.

Me: Why dont you tell me which is reality? Us talking or me and your body?

KS: I want to say both, but you will want to kill me.

Me: I really want to kill you.

KS: Both of us cant die anyway. Whats bothering you lately.

Me: YOU LOR. I AM VERY ANGRY. But i cant do anything about it.

KS: I know. That is why we are here.

Me: Eh what happen to you that day? Why were we at the ocean again?

KS: Nothing.

Me: You really want me to kill you lor. Wait, can we not have such meetups again, its very unhealthy.

KS: Why?

Me: Here i am, talking to you like its the most normal thing in the world. And there i am at the waking life, where your body and your mind said dont contact me anymore AND WHY AM I STILL END UP HERE.

KS: …….  I dont know… i think of you and then you are here.

Me: oeiiii dont like that lah. I will die one leh.

KS: Die of what.

Me: Torture, mental torture. Hanging out with you here, accompanying you to the ocean and you accompanying me to the mountains and then in the waking life, your body is avoiding me. And i repeat ‘dont contact me anymore.’

KS: ……….. No wonder you so angry…

Me: Ahbuthen, am i an unreasonable person to you?

KS: No…

Me: And he insists i am trying to harm him or somewhere along that line. Can you go talk to your body. SERIOUSLY. I am up the wall already. How can you just not that any identification that time and have 100% confidence that you will recognise me!

KS: Hmmm but i am sure he did things out of the blue.

Me: Even if he did, he already forgot lor, your body is chasing other girls lor.

KS: That’s the norm what. Thats why we always quarrel in the past.

Me: I WANT TO DEMAND AN ANSWER TODAY.

KS: If you insist, dont leave.

Me: Eh. Later if i no husband, you are dead meat. You asking me not to leave, and your body is avoiding me, WAH. TORTURE. Why cant such things happen to your body at all.And i dont think he will ever know the person is me….. he already say i am not the one.

KS: He knows about your job and your stuff right?

Me: Uh huh…

KS: That’s because you only told me, remember? You tell me EVERYTHING. If he’s the only one who knows about your job, he’s the one. And he should know.

Me: Know his head lah. How am i supposed to get out of this mess.

KS: Well… i am still here. I only have one request, dont sleep on the floor. It makes no sense that i carry you up every night, or whenever you are here automatically.

Me: Sometimes you take the whole bed leh.

KS: Eh it wont affect you lor. Just sleep. I dont want anything to happen to you in these 2 years.

Me: So after 2 years i can go and die liao lah. WAULAUEH! And!!! Why you look so different when you are young!

KS: And you look the same……… except you are a much happier person now than the past. You manage to put down alot of things?

Me: I guess……. or maybe too many dead people takes up my time….

KS: Do you think we will make it in this life?

Me: Hmmm.. i dont think so. Your body already said that.

KS: Okay, dont repeat. I can feel your hurt, so deep. It will affect me.

Me: EXCUSE ME. LOOK WHOSE TALKING. Not the soul control the body one meh? Its the body control the soul one ah?

KS: I dont know. I wish i can answer your question. Otherwise, i am still here, here for you.

Me: But it doesnt make sense! HE’S GONE. Its really as if you 2 are different souls, but…….. i dont understand…..

KS: I know you want an explanation, not an apology, i dont have any now. I know i cant comfort you either since its me who hurt you so deep, lets just go back to sleep.

Me: Wait, you said you thought of me and i appeared at the park? UGH SO WEIRD.

KS: Something like that, i am born normal. But you arent. Its amusing really, no matter how many lifetimes we know each other, you are always ahead of me. But heh, i am the only one who knows how to take (good) care of you and yet here, now, i hurt you so deep everytime i say that…………. It doesnt make sense at all.

Me: I tell you what dont make sense okay. You know i always complain about red bedsheets?

KS: Ya.. you cant sleep on anything red. Bad nightmares.

Me: I slept that day, when he was beside me.

KS: !!!!!!!!!!! WOW I HAVE SUCH POWERS AH.

Me: Now you know why i am so down. Is this equivalent of losing a friend? Or a limb?

KS: I AM HERE. But whats my dad doing with you ah.

Me: I tell you next time, i dont have much time liao. In short, he’s taking care of me till ….. i dont know when.