XXX

She never fail to contact me whenever she found out i am very bothered about things. And this time she said…

XXX: Find me tomorrow if you want an answer? Or dying to know the answer?

Me: Is it a bad answer?

XXX: Its a neither good nor bad. But i am sure it will stop you from worrying and bothered.

Me: Is it like what YL said? Different culture? And we are worlds apart? And…

XXX: Yes, but its not something negative.

Me: Positive?

XXX: It depends how you see it, but i can assure you its not negative. I am very sure he enjoyed hanging out with you. Its just that like what you have been thinking, he probably cant afford it. And well, come tomorrow. We will have a chat. Okay? Sleep well tonight. You will be okay tomorrow.

Ray & Jon

They are more worried its the empath in me who absorb all the energy in the kampong, of how poor people are. They are worried that because of that empath thing in me, i am feeling more than a normal being should.

***

Yue lao dropped by earlier, and my tears flowed the minute i saw him.

YL: My dear child, why are you crying. I heard all about it.

Me: I dont know. I just feel so…. i am not prepared to lose this friendship.

YL: You cried at every lost friendship. He’s not the first, but you are not losing him okay?

Me: So does that mean there was never a friendship in the first place? Since it cant be broken if it doesnt exist.

YL: No child, the friendship exists. It did. He might have some difficulty at where he is. Dont cry, dont feel sad. Be happy that you brought a really good memory back. Its priceless, isnt it? Like what you say, we dont go places and we are able to meet people we can connect with. He’s a bonus in this trip, isnt it?

Me: But i cant help but to feel sad. I dont know him but since the minute i know him, i knew he’s that friend that i want to keep.

YL: Yes considering the fact you connect immediately to the Angkor wat guard from your room, can you dont shock people? And you even sent a special request that they have to watch over his family just because you only have this to repay him, even though he needs money.. and you dont have it. I know, that is why i am here, before you want to make any trade offs. So no, no tradeoffs this time okay? I will help you. Dont cry.

Me: Can i still go back to see him? I mean his company.

YL: Is it really worth the pain? The pain is abnormal, child. When you couldnt sleep at all, do you know how worried we are? Do you know how many soldiers we sent to guard you, to lessen the pain? Do you know how dangerous it is for you to be there? Is he worth?

Me: Yue lao.. if you look in your book, do we even have a friendship… i cant see the end, there is no end. And i dont want to be like that….

YL: Silly child, there is no end because there is no end to this friendship. Okay?

Me: Explain the rain. The rain.

YL: I am so sorry, child, so sorry. I can only apologise. You have a whole life ahead of you, if he’s worth the pain, we will make the trip for you again. But if any unfortunate circumstances happened while you go for a second time, please, please dont be upset. There are some things we cannot control, we cannot trade off for, there are some things money cannot buy, and some things your gift, cannot trade off. At least, be happy you enjoyed his presence.

Me: Did i owe him before in all my previous life? Why is it so short?

YL: We do another one okay? This time, 2 days. half day is too short. 2 full days. But you have to promise me, no crying if the friendship doesnt work out, or if he’s unavailable suddenly. There are many things, we cannot control. You have to learn that. No trading because you have to suffer, so dont. Its karma, dont force it. Your best friend will do anything for you, you know her. Dont be sad. Your 2017 birthday present, okay?

YL: You also ask the guards to keep that memory for you, isnt it? Something you can look back on when you are home, its a very happy memory.

Me: 😦

 

I just need to let it out….

The brothers said no, the guards said no, almost everyone say no. Why? Because we are worlds apart? Or because simply, its actually a torture for me to be there? I would suffer, just because i am the P….

At first, everyone was so worried that i wouldnt be able to enjoy. Yes puja lessen some pain, but it was still so painful for me…. in a way, i probably i have a high endurance…. it was so painful that i couldnt sleep. Amber tried on the second day, i managed to have a full sleep. Third day was Max who tried to sooth me, then it was Amber again who tried to lessen my pain.

After the plane left Cambodia, i am back to myself with ZERO pain.

When i met Pry, everything was different. Somehow he made the pain so worth it. You know that kind of friends chemistry, where you are able to talk to the person anything, or rather you know he wont judge you no matter how chui you look, you can be yourself. I didnt feel anything with Jake, its more like he’s a little brother. End. In all, Pry really reminds me of all the boys i knew, the sarcasm, the hey-you-can-do-it etc.

Then again, they would grant me another trip. And i asked if its okay for me to give him something. Something that my friends / strangers have always given me. Something that i didnt forget.

Max asked what is it about Pry that made me so i-want-to-go-again. There is no romantically feelings but wow, the chemistry, i can feel it. All of us, including me would say that he wouldnt add me on wechat, or in a way… i consulted the book, the friendship has to be initiated by him, otherwise it will be broken.

The moment i saw Jake, i knew Pry is the one whom i can continue to ride with. Someone whom i will enjoy cycling with.

I gonna be emo these few days, cant help being sad, because  its not everyday you meet someone whom you are able to talk to, or having similar taste in food.  And then not being able to maintain the friendship because its too expensive.

I also must have been very emo because the guards, random friends, racers, dropped by to visit. Hmmm all friends from the other realms said lets wait for 3 months, since such thing did not happen to me before. And after 3 months, if i really want to go again, i should go. I think they are worried this is just a fleeting friendship feel. Although Max is very sure that i would return. He knows me. There isnt much he can do, but to wait till next year.

Anyway i sent a long thesis global sms to him, then i was thinking what if that is not his phone but the company’s phone HAHAHAHA!! Then again i am shameless as fuck.

When the guards read the message i sent him, they felt i am such a girl at heart, even though i grew up with 4 older brothers and men and guys, i am more girlish than anyone else. Sigh. Is that a bad sign.

Should i do a 2 days or 3 days ride with him.. hahahaha! The ride is damm awesome, no kidding. And actually just like what Master Wang said, i do have alot of small trips all over ASEAN places, to find friends.

OK I WAIT 3 MONTHS. But March is really a wrong time to go cycling. Its fucking 40 degrees.